Hearth of Darkness

Today some nice men came and knocked on our door. They were a double act in overalls, like a French version of the Chuckle Brothers, and as they presented some officious-looking pieces of paper, I could think of no excuse (in French) not to let them in. It turns out they were here for the annual chimney and gas pipe inspection, which, they explained, is legally required of all tenants. "It’s very important Madame," said the fat chatty one. "If not … BOOM!!!" he shouted, smiling broadly as he mimed a fatal gas explosion. Convinced, I let them in and pointed out the fireplace whilst frantically trying the Maitre's work number on my mobile. I hoped he might know whether this really was necessary, or at least be able to talk to them on the phone and put them off until he could be here.

I watched the silent-sidekick as he levered pole after pole up into the chimney shaft, while the Maitre's number rang and rang to no avail. As I hung up, a rush of air brought a tonne of soot down and out into the sitting room, coating every surface and the face of the fat sweep. Thank god we haven’t got any furniture. "You see Madame!" he said, blinking, " It hasn’t been done in a very long time." After cups of tea all round and much gesturing and hoovering (and emptying of the carbon monoxide filter in the kitchen) Laurel and Hardy have left me to finish mopping up. I just hope I can do a convincing enough impression of that "Boom!!!" when the Maitre comes home to find I've given away 150 euros and turned our flat into the set of Mary Poppins.

Chez Louisette at the marché aux puces

The Maître's sister and I were making our way round Les Puces, the St. Ouen fleamarkets just to the North of Paris, keen for some tat browsing, and on the M's orders, perhaps even a chaise longue  so we could have something to sit on after three months of cardboard boxes. It was a beautifully clear, cold, sunny day (it would later snow) and we had spent hours dipping in and out of the hundreds of stalls and shops full of buttons, dolls, taxidermy, jewellery, lace, hats, paintings, and of course, all manner of furniture.

Rounding the corner in the depths of the Vernaison market, I saw the sign for Chez Louisette, a restaurant famed for its all day Edith Piaf cabaret, and persuaded Brandon's sister it was the place for lunch.

It may be old hat for some, but nothing could have prepared me for the wonder of what lay inside Chez Louisette. Stepping in from the bright midday sunlight, we blinked as we adjusted our eyes to the gloom, and slowly registered the Christmas lights, the mirrored walls, the disco ball. Every surface, including the ceiling, was covered in red or silver foil, and there, as promised, was the band: an accordion, a keyboard and the singer, belting out a Piaf song in a sparkly top and floorlength skirt.

At one point during our lunch of steak in a lacustrine pepper sauce, I began to feel a bit crazed, driven to the edge by the incessant crooning and crazy lighting, but I recovered and went back to being delighted by everything and clapping enthusiastically after every number. The food was good simple fare, and the staff, charming.

The waitress had clearly been rendered crazed by her work environment, and waved back at us whenever we tried to attract her attention. "Coucou! We're having fun over there in the corner aren't we!" she cried, as we sat helpless, frantically miming signing the bill.

An hour or so later, we reluctantly returned to the real world, and the wintry daylight, regretting nothing.

Beginnings

The first thing I realised when I arrived in Paris, is that it's important to be able to survive without much sleep. It doesn't help that we're both insomniacs and spent our first few nights listening to the myriad different noises we can hear from our room, which is on a courtyard above two restaurants. You know you're not in West London any more when you can here gutteral french expletives in the early hours of the morning, as the plongeurs meet for a cigarette break by the bins. 

The old french floorboards mean that we are also on intimate terms with our upstairs neighbour -we’re talking audible peeing (male- we suspect there is a female in residence too but she must pee silently), intermittent scraping and trotting across the floorboards, squeaking in the bathtub and worst of all: incessant snooze alarm in the mornings. Still, when you're alone in a foreign city it can be reassuring to hear normal life going on around you- even if you're not quite part of it yet.